


I Don't Know Who She Is (She)

by Living_On_My_Own



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Non-Graphic Violence, Period-Typical Homophobia, Roger is a Sweetheart, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, freddie is just scared, i almost wrote smut but i got tired of writing this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:20:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25778068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Living_On_My_Own/pseuds/Living_On_My_Own
Summary: He had hoped they wouldn't learn it like that, but he found himself in front of his friends only barely a second after someone had told them the truth. The words Tim had used were the one he would have used himself. He didn't like seeing so much anger in their eyes.
Relationships: Freddie Mercury/Roger Taylor, John Deacon/Veronica Tetzlaff
Comments: 4
Kudos: 34





	I Don't Know Who She Is (She)

**Author's Note:**

> I represented one of the characters as a bad person, but i just want to say that I don't believe this person was like that in real life. This is pure fiction.
> 
> Enjoy!

"Come on, mate! Come with us! It's been so long since you got shagged! We're gonna find some pretty girls." Tim exclaimed to Freddie as he dressed to go out.

"Not really in the mood, Tim." Freddie replied as he barely even looked at his roommate.

 _And I'll probably never be in the mood to shag a girl,_ he thought.

But Tim didn't know that, and nobody on earth knew it, at least no one ever got a confirmation from him. He knew pretty much everybody guessed that he was gay, it wasn't that hard to guess. 

"You know, Brian and Roger will find you boring if you don't come. We'll be able to tell them how much fun we had when we were surrounded by beautiful women. Roger will definitely be jealous." Jim said, knowing it would work.

To be completely honest, Freddie wasn't sure he still liked being that groupie that followed them each concert and always talked to them about their music and told them what he'd change if he was in the band. It was his dream to be the lead singer for Smile. He knew it was pretty much unlikely.

He feared he was too clingy, looking like some crazy fan. He worried that Brian and Roger only acted nice to him out of pity. It was hard to not think that when that's all he's ever been told.

Roger. The pretty blond with blue eyes as bright as anything. Roger the guy that made him feel warm and welcomed and loved. He always found Roger pretty, feminine but with slightly muscular arms and raspy voice that made his whole body shiver. He really hoped Roger truly liked him. He really didn't want to disappoint him.

"Okay, I'll come." Freddie sighed as he got up from the really comfortable couch.

He changed clothes in his room and then came back to the living room again, maybe after a bit too much time, and he only realised it when he saw Tim's impatient face.

The walk to the bar or club, or whatever it wasn't really important, Freddie wasn't sure why, but the mood was pretty weird. Not a word came out of either of their mouths. The Persian didn't feel the need to say anything, Tim wasn't really that enjoyable of a man to talk to.

"Gosh, I swear, if I see one more fucking fag tonight, I think I'll become crazy." The lead singer of Smile said with a loud groan.

"You're homophobic?" Freddie asked quietly, which was honestly a weird question to ask, he knew Tim wouldn't call himself that.

"I'm not homophobic, Fred. I just have a minimum of education and decency to know that those people are simply ridiculous. " He explained, not helping Freddie to become more relaxed at all.

"It became legal and now they think that can bother us with it everywhere. I wish they didn't stop giving them those hormonal medications, get it out of them. " Tim scoffed as he got out a cigarette of his pocket and lit it. He proposed one to Freddie but he politely declined.

"The other night my friend and I passed by one, I think his fist still hurts." Tim laughed, smoke escaping his mouth delicately.

A shiver ran through Freddie's whole body as he imagined being the poor guy in this situation. He wanted to tell Tim to just shut up, that he had heard enough and that he was just some sick asshole. But Brian and Roger would learn and they would probably not want to see him again.

"Alright mate? You're shivering."

"I'm fine. Just a bit cold." Freddie replied, his body tenser than it had ever been.

They finally arrived and Tim almost ran in a little crowd of girls. The Persian ordered himself a beer first, he knew this was gonna be a very long night. He sat on a bar stool, calmly drinking and looking around, he could see Tim already making out with some girl. He was definitely gonna have some stories to tell Roger and Brian.

He'd always felt something when he was near Roger, or when the drummer bothered to look at him. He knew he could be annoying sometimes, always giving his opinion on everything even if it didn't involve him. Tim has told him to shut up a few times and Roger only ever looked at him with a small smile, as if to apologise for the behaviour of his band mate. And when Freddie acted like some out of his mind fan, Roger only listened and never interrupted him or said anything to make him shut up. It was barely anything, but it always made the pianist's heart flutter happily.

"You're looking pretty lonely."

Freddie turned around, only to be met with a man with unfortunately no blue eyes, dirty blonde hair and a high pitched voice. It was a man with green eyes and black hair. He was way taller than the singer and had a warm and deep voice.

"I'm waiting for my friend." Freddie replied.

"Don't you want to have fun?" The man said.

His whole body expressed only kindness and Freddie could have fallen in his arms and stayed there forever if his mind didn't wander every minute to the face of the beautiful drummer. Even if the blonde man would never want him like that.

"What kind of fun?" He asked.

He let the taller man take his arm, not his hand because it would make it obvious for all the other people in the club that they weren't only two straight boys talking. Freddie knew it was a bad idea to get involved in this, but he had longed for far too long that hands would be caressing his body, even if they weren't gentle. He had waited so long for eyes to devour him so easily. There had been Mary, but when she realised the truth, she pulled her hands away as if she had been burnt and her eyes turned as cold as ice.

_She_

_She lives in daydreams with me_

He had hoped for so long that he could ignore this, sit between Mary's arms, kiss her lips, tell her how beautiful she was and telling her he loved her truthfully. He had hoped for his mother to not say he was back to his old businesses, he hoped she wouldn't have looked at him with pity in her eyes when he told her Mary and him weren't together anymore. The pity had never been directed at him, he was the monster, Mary had been the one reassured, told it was gonna be fine, that she was gonna find better. Freddie hoped he could have told her himself that she was gonna find better, but she was already long gone.

_She's the first one that I see_

_And I don't know why_

He wanted to be the one his father expected him to be. A business man, married, with kids. But Bomi had known since the beginning that it wouldn't be that simple. He thought boarding school would have helped. But each time he received a new letter from his son, telling him to come and take him back home because he couldn't bear it anymore, he knew he couldn't change him. Until one day, the mailbox stayed empty and the postman didn't have new letters from India, he thought he had achieved his goal. He noticed Freddie lowering his sad eyes each time he told people he had always been too wild of a child, but that he now was better, more disciplined.

_I don't know who she is_

The stranger's lips tasted like freedom yet prohibited. His hands seemed wild and so lustful, wandering everywhere they could. Both men had their ears wide opened, expecting the toilet door to open. It felt right for Freddie, but there was a voice in his head telling him it wasn't the right to do. Because he knew it would never make his parents proud, it would drive away Roger and Brian, it would disgust Tim, it would make him feel ashamed when he would go to bed. It would-

"You were never really subtle."

It didn't take long before the man was gone and Tim was in front of him. He felt pain of his cheek, he expected it. He expected the disgust in Tim's eyes, he found it quickly.

"You fucking disgusting fag." He spat.

Freddie felt his heart clench, he hated those words, those words that had been thrown at him so many times. He always minded his own business when someone insulted him, laughed at him. He had been used for so long to be laughed at. At boarding school he could remember being the one the other boys pointed at. The one the teachers sometimes looked at with a disapproving look.

It had started so early. But he still looked away, closed his lips tightly to hide his teeth, ducked his head and covered his eyes with his bangs. Maybe it still hurt so much because it wasn't only strangers that insulted him. It started hurting so much more when his dad first told him to be normal, or when his friends at school scoffed at his extravagant demeanour.

He was scared of Roger and Brian finding out. He was scared of their laughs they had with him becoming laughs directed at him. He was scared of their friendly looks turning into disgust or anger. He was scared of their hands they put on his back to make him feel included would be pulled away, washed vigorously, as if he was dirty. He was scared of what they would talk about when he wasn't there, of the words they would use together, when his back would be turned.

He sat on the floor, after a boot marked his side, after hands roughly slammed him into the wall. He didn't want to get up ever again. But Smile had a repetition the next day, he wasn't a part of the band, but he knew Roger or Brian would ask questions if he didn't come. He just hoped Tim wouldn't say anything to them.

_____

"Did you know Freddie was a fucking poof?"

Oh no. He should have known. He should have known Tim wouldn't have stayed quiet. It was silent for a moment, and it felt like hours for Freddie. He should have looked up to see the boys's faces, but he couldn't. He felt so embarrassed and ashamed. He just wanted to run away and never look back again.

He had took the makeup Mary had left at his flat so long ago. It was probably way too old to be used, but it was the only thing left. So he covered his bruise with it, he felt like crying each time his fingers hit too hard against the most painful part. At least Brian and Roger wouldn't see it.

"What did you just say?" Roger asked, his voice sounded rough and Freddie didn't understand why.

"He's a poofter." Smile's singer spat aggressively.

Freddie couldn't have known from the moment it happened what exactly was happening. He could hear some sound of an impact and then Brian shouted Roger's name with an astonished voice. And then the Persian looked up and saw Tim holding his cheek with fire in his eyes. He stormed out and the three of them were left there.

Brian didn't stop complaining about how violence wasn't the solution and that it wouldn't change anything. But Roger didn't answer and his eyes stayed angry.

"Why did you do that?" Freddie asked quietly.

All eyes turned to him, he couldn't help by wrap his arms loosely around himself.

"I can't let him say those things about you, Freddie." Roger explained, surprise hearable in his voice. 

A lump formed in Freddie's throat as he listened to his friend's words.

"But it's true." He whispered as his voice didn't let him talk any louder.

He couldn't look at anyone anymore. Anxiety grew in him. He didn't want to see how his friends were looking at him, he didn't want to hear the words they would say. He was so used to this. He couldn't expect kind words of reassurance, even coming from boys that he would trust with his whole life. It was just how it worked.

He wanted to lift his head and be met with those baby blue eyes filled with love and understanding. He wanted to feel the slightly muscular arms around his body, he wanted sweet words whispered in his ear. Words that no one had ever said to him, not even his mom when he needed them the most. But he wasn't in a dream, it was real life and he had never been spoiled by it. He knew it would never happen.

"I'm sorry" He said before walking away as quickly as possible.

Roger called after him, but he didn't try and keep him from running away. He was convinced it was the last time he would ever talk to them.

_____

Brian had told Roger to just wait a bit. He knew Freddie would need time, he was too worked up at the moment. So they waited the next day to walk to Tim and Freddie's flat. Roger wasn't looking forward to seeing Tim. He hoped he wouldn't be the one opening the door, or else he'd be tempted to throw another punch.

He thought he knew Freddie so well. They spent so much time together and he was convinced he couldn't know any more about his best friend. Of course he figured out that Freddie was gay, even when Mary was there he saw how Freddie acted. He loved Mary, just not enough, and it showed. Roger had always known Freddie as an outgoing, happy man, sometimes too shy for his good. But he always seemed so confident.

Now Roger wasn't sure he really knew him. But he wanted to know the real Freddie. He mostly just wanted Freddie to never call himself again those words he was so convinced described him. He hated Tim for convincing him of that. He never liked him that much, but he never knew he could be so horrible and cruel.

The drummer wanted to take Freddie in his arms, shake him slightly, tell him he wasn't disgusting, he wasn't a poof, a fag, a fairy. He was Freddie, and Freddie liked men. He was perfect as who he really was. He wanted to tell him he'd never met someone like him, someone that felt so trustworthy, so creative and full of imaginaton. He was a man full of dreams, and the blonde was convinced he would be able to achieve those dreams.

And most importantly, he wanted to tell him how much he loved him. How much he wanted to kiss those lips that looked so soft, he wanted to taste them. He wanted to put his hands forever on his fine waist, especially when he bent his back so beautifully, showing how he would act if he was the one on stage.

He wanted to bring him himself on stage, to show the world how talented his friend was, to show everybody that ever doubted him that he could do it. He could do it. He wanted for so long for Tim to leave, to let the real star do what he was meant to do. He was Roger's star. Glowing eyes, enchanted smile and voice of a prince. He wanted Freddie to know how much he was worth.

When someone opened the door of the flat, it was neither Tim or Freddie. It was Mike, that guy that Tim talked so much about. His friend that could have every girl. Brian and Roger never actually met him. But his tender eyes didn't show anything bad.

"Hey, have you seen Freddie?" Brian asked when Roger only stared for way too long.

Mike seemed apologetic when he smiled. He rubbed the back of his neck before saying anything.

"He's gone... I think Tim kicked him out. He's the one who has his name on the rent contract. He pretty much has all the rights."

Roger felt anger rising in him so quickly. The guitarist saw it and took his arm to calm him down, or else he knew he would break something very quickly.

"Tim told me why he kicked him out. I feel bad for Freddie. I know how Tim can be sometimes. I wished he was more opened." Mike continued, he talked with a slight frown o his face. He would never in his lifetime treat someone this way because of who he loved. It was just so stupid.

"Do you know where Freddie went?" Roger asked hopefully.

"I think he was going to his parent's house. At least that's what I heard."

Both musicians nodded, they went to leave after saying thank you, but they were stopped by Mike.

"If you find him, please tell him I'm sorry for how Tim acted." Mike told them.

_____

Luckily, Brian remembered the address of Freddie's parents. They didn't go often with Freddie. He wasn't ashamed of his family or origin. He just never really felt himself when he went there. He didn't like it when his father always started talking about how undisciplined of a child he was.

"Gosh, I fucking hate him, Brian. The fucking wanker. I never thought he could be so bloody cruel." Roger spat, still infuriated by Tim's behaviour.

"Calm down, Roger. I know you're angry and I am too, but let's just make sure Freddie's okay before, we don't want him thinking we're angry at him or something." Brian said, trying to calm his best friend down.

That was enough to convince Roger and he breathed out slowly. He would hate to make Freddie even more upset. Just the idea of him thinking they hated it him for being who he was made him uncomfortable. It wasn't a great thought.

It took a while as they walked. They expected the walk to be shorter so they didn't consider taking the tube. But it was really taking an eternity. They still eventually managed to arrive in front of that door that Freddie possibly walked through with all his stuff and shame on top of it.

Roger knocked and Jer opened the door not long after.

"Oh hello boys!" She exclaimed.

"I'm glad you're here. Freddie spent the whole day in his room and he never does that." She said with a sad smile. She wanted to understand what made her son so sad, she knew he was sad. She could notice it on his face when he looked at her, saying he was just tired. He told her he had some sort of fight with his roommate. She saw how his eyes looked when Freddie saw his father, looking at him disapprovingly.

"We're gonna go see him." Brian said with a smile and she nodded.

They walked up the steps quietly. They could hear the faint sound of music from the Persian's room. Roger opened the door and saw him, his friend, the man he wanted so desperately to be with, laying in his bed, a sketchbook he was filling with doodles.

"Hey." Roger quietly said.

It surprised the pianist and he looked to their direction with wide eyes. He didn't know what to say, what to expect. He had already prepared himself to never have the chance to see their faces again. He thought he would never be able to look in those blue eyes again.

"We don't mind, Freddie. To be honest, we always kinda knew. It's okay." Roger blurted out, he just wanted this to be over with so they could come back to how they were before.

Both Smile members noticed how Freddie's shoulder relaxed as soon as he heard the words.

"Really?" He asked carefully.

"Really." Brian answered with a small smile.

Freddie has never felt so relieved. He had worked himself up for nothing. For nothing. It was all fine. They didn't care. He could be the one he truly was. He didn't have to hide anything anymore.

"So do you wanna be our new singer and come live with us?" Roger asked immediately with a laugh.

"Oh gosh yes." He answered happily.

He waited for this for so long, to finally be able to accomplish his first dream. And now it was becoming true. All it had take was to be insulted by the singer of a band for it to happen. It was definitely worth it.

"Let's pack your stuff." Brian said, smiling. Maybe he wasn't as good at showing it, but he was as glad as Roger to have Freddie as the singer of Smile.

_____

Of course, Freddie forgot the bruises under his T-shirt as he talked to Roger. But he immediately understood what was the matter when he changed his clothes and Roger gasped. They were still there and apparent, all kinds of colours.

"What the fuck happened?" Roger asked as he walked Freddie to trace with his fingers the biggest of all the bruises. Some were even the form of a shoe.

"Oh... that." Freddie murmured.

He really didn't want Roger to know about it. He knew the drummer would get angry and he didn't feel like having to calm him down, telling him he was fine now, that Tim was gone.

"Tim did it when he found out about... you know." He whispered reluctantly.

"Did he do something else?" Roger asked, trying to stay calm, he didn't want to get angry. He was tired of being angry.

"Beside ruining a make out session?" Freddie joked and laughed a bit, until the blonde looked at him with a slightly annoyed face.

He sighed.

"He punched me under the left eye." The singer confessed while pointing at where the bruise was, covered with makeup.

"Mike wanted to apologise for how Tim acted." Roger explained quietly.

Freddie nodded.

Roger still wanted to kill Tim. He couldn't understand anyone who wanted to hurt Freddie. He was nothing more than a cute and sweet man that did everything to make everyone happy. And he was the most selfless person he had ever met.

"Does it still hurt?" He asked.

Freddie shook his head, but the drummer knew he was lying. So he put only a bit of pression on where he knew there was a wound. His best friend quietly winced.

"It doesn't hurt, huh?" He said with a smirk on his face.

"You're so fucking cruel." Freddie replied, but he was smiling.

He let the younger man bring him down on the mattress. They laid down silently, Roger wondered if it was a good sign that the older was silent. He was always talking usually, hating those gaps when nobody talked.

_____

It took a couple of minutes before he finally talked.

"I think I'll be alone forever, Roger." The Persian whispered.

Roger's eyes shot open and he sat up, looking at his best friend with a frown on his face.

"Why do you think that?" He asked, feeling his heart tighten at the sight of Freddie looking so sad.

"I'm getting older and I still don't have a boyfriend. Barely anyone ever wants to be with me like that." He complained, eyes still tightly closed, but he definitely wasn't tired anymore.

"You're not that old Freddie. You're barely even older than me." The drummer answered truthfully, he knew that wasn't all, that it didn't only come from his age, that Freddie wasn't sad only because he was getting older.

"But girls throw themselves at your feet, Roger. I have to throw myself on my knees for anyone to even notice me. Who would really love me?" His voice got higher as his throat felt tighter and tighter. He knew if he didn't put effort, he would start crying.

"Everybody loves you, Freddie. Look at the crowds of people that come to the shows. I'm sure more than half of them would do anything to be with you."

"But that's not the same thing, is it? People want me for the persona I put on for the shows. They love me as outrageous Freddie. Nobody loves me as needy and insecure Freddie." He explained sadly, he really thought from the moment he came out that it'd be easier, that he wouldn't have to make so much effort.

"Maybe Tim was right. Maybe I'm really just a fucking poof." He quietly said as he sat up on the mattress.

He didn't expect it when he found Roger between his legs, with his hands tight on his shoulders and his eyes boring into his soul.

"Are you gonna suck me off?" Freddie joked with a small laugh.

He yelped when Roger playfully hit his arm with his warm hand.

"You're not a fag, not a poof, not a fairy, Freddie. You're gay, you like men. But you're none of these things people call you, okay?" Roger seriously told the singer.

Freddie slightly shrugged but his eyes didn't find their sparkle of joy back.

"But that doesn't solve my problem. I- Maybe it's just how my life is supposed to be. Maybe I'm just too repulsive."

"And what if I know someone that loves you?" Roger replied with a small smile.

"Who?" Freddie whispered with a slight blush on his cheeks.

He didn't expect his best friend's lips on his own. But they were there, all plump and soft. And he never thought someone would ever kiss him so softly, that anyone who want his lips on their own so badly and so lovingly.

"You're not even gay, Roger." The singer whispered, looking down after he slightly pushed him away. He knew he shouldn't believe him so easily, nobody wanted to be with him without him having to do something for it. People didn't just love him like that, it was only something he usually had to achieve.

"And what if I like women and men? And what if I like you?" Roger said, hoping Freddie would believe.

"Why would you?"

"I don't know, because you're literally the most perfect human being alive?" He replied truthfully.

"I'm really not." Freddie replied laughing, with a blush creeping up on his face.

"You really are."

"But I haven't got any-" He mimicked boobs with his hands and Roger chuckled quietly.

"Maybe, but you've got something even better." The blonde said lightly placing his hand on Freddie's bulge.

The older gasped and hit Roger on the arm with the shock.

"You're such an idiot." He laughed, and it felt like a victory for Roger when he didn't even bother hiding his perfect smile.

"So, can I be your idiot?" The drummer asked with a side small that made Freddie's heart beat faster.

"Of course." He said smiling.

_____

"So, Freddie, what are the things you suck the most at?" A girl beside Roger asked.

They could barely hear themselves in the loud and busy bar. They were sat in a circle, a bottle in the middle. The game had been going on for hours, too many kisses had been given and embarrassing moments said. It was finally Freddie's turn, they really were too many to play that game, but it didn't matter.

John, the new bassist, was sat beside his girlfriend Veronica. He was a shy and sweet guy, but with a bit of alcohol he was funny and outgoing. Brian was sat, a girl on his lap, his eyes shining. He had taken way too many beers for his own good. Roger, only tipsy, sat completely away from Freddie, surrounded by girls, a cigarette between his lips. But his eyes stayed fixated the whole time on Freddie. Beautiful and perfect Freddie, with his dirty jokes. A few other unknown men had sat beside the most crazy girls, they had joined in in the game, even if they didn't know anyone there.

And there was Freddie, he had Ronnie at his side, some other girl on the other side. He stared at Roger back, his boyfriend. His boyfriend. His heart twisted only slightly each time a girl kissed Roger on the cheek, sat closer to him or whispered something in his ear. But he didn't say anything, if that was what Roger really wanted, he could let him do it. At least maybe it would make him stay.

"Cocks," Freddie replied with a smirk.

Everybody groaned, except Roger who laughed and only looked at his boyfriend even more. He couldn't imagine loving someone else than the pretty boy with the dark hair and eyes and the angelic voice. He couldn't imagine other lips touching his, other eyes looking at him, other hands taking his.

Suddenly it was his turn, the girl at his right looked at him.

"Kiss the person here that you find the most attractive." She said.

She looked at him with her green eyes. She was attractive, yes, long blonde hair, plump red and glossy lips, a body to die for. But Roger didn't stop thinking about the boy that he knew was looking at him. He knew he was smiling, but only to appear okay, and he knew his eyes were sad. And when the drummer finally looked at him, he was met with exactly what he had expected.

Freddie's hands were slightly trembling, but he put them under his legs. Because he knew how pretty the girls beside Roger were, and he saw how Roger looked at them. He would have chosen the girls instead of him if he was Roger. And he noticed the papers that had been put in his boyfriend's pockets. He just hoped he'd find them in the trash can and not beside the phone.

"It's okay." He mouthed to Roger.

He wasn't sure if he felt okay.

The more the seconds passed, the more worried he was. He believed there weren't any chances anymore that he'd be the one to be kissed. He didn't want to seem like a controlling and jealous boyfriend. He would never blame it on Roger.

Roger looked at all the girls around him with a little smile. He got up, not without noticing the hopeful looks.

"Sorry girls." He whispered.

They all gasped when his lips collided with Freddie's. For a moment he suspected Freddie gasped too. But he quickly recovered and responded to the sweet kiss he was given. Their lips fit perfectly together like they always did, but this time there was something more. It felt like a confirmation. All of this was real.

"Okay, we got it." Some girl spoke annoyingly.

They pulled away and the drummer sat beside Freddie, pulling him into his lap. He winked at the girls rolling their eyes in jealousy. The singer felt like laughing with how happy his heart now was. There was the man he loved, holding him in his arms, telling how pretty he was tonight in his ear. Yes, the man he loved. Nothing less than that.

Eventually, everybody went home. It was already early in the morning, the sun was close to getting up. Freddie couldn't bring himself to get up, he was fine there, all comfortable on the lap of his boyfriend. There was no doubt in his mind anymore that he was always important to Roger as much as Roger was important to him. He had always got those irrational thoughts in his head when something new happened, when someone new arrived in his life. They had been there once with Roger, he was sure they were definitely gone.

"Come on, baby." Roger said quietly as he pushed the Persian off of his lap to get up.

He kissed the pout off of Freddie's face. The drummers arm wrapped around the fine waist of his lover fearlessly. He had once been scared to be affectionate with his boyfriend somewhere outside their flat, but now he couldn't stop himself. Not when Freddie looked so divinely beautiful.

The slightly chilly air hit them when the door of the bar closed behind them. The wind removed Freddie's hair from his neck and Roger just wanted to kiss it purple and red, to show everyone how much he was in love. But he stopped himself before he could even approach his lips to the soft skin, he knew he'd never be able to stop otherwise.

Instead, he placed his lips sweetly on the middle of his forehead. He knew how much Freddie loved being kissed there. And the pianist did look at him, lips curved into a smile, letting his teeth, that were so often mocked but that Roger loved, sit on his bottom lips carelessly. His eyes were shining so bright, his eyes that still reminded him the ones of a child.

"I love you so much, Freddie." He said for the first time.

He had been scared for so long to show this side of himself, soft and loving. The girls he had been with always got tired of it eventually. They liked him being strong and when he showed his temper. But he now knew Freddie liked it when he got sweet and just cuddled him or said sweet things to him.

 _"I just want you to be you. Not what you think might please me. If you want me to be myself, then you need to be yourself too. I love it when you're cuddly and soft and I love it when you get jealous or cheeky. Please don't hide who you truly are."_ He had once said after Roger's concerns came out out of nowhere.

He saw Freddie's face lit up. He felt quickly a warm body against his, a nose on his neck, two hands on his back. Both of them had never been so happy.

"Oh I love you so so much, darling. I love you, I love you, I love y-" The singer quickly said.

He couldn't finish his sentence as lips grazed against his and he immediately pushed himself closer to his boyfriend, almost desperately. He couldn't help but put his hands in the blonde and barely wavy hair. His heart could burst out of his chest at any moment. He wished the time wouldn't pass so quickly as they pulled away.

They continued to walk home and there were no words spoken. Freddie saw Roger take something out of his coat. He noticed the bottle in his hands, he was sure it wasn't water, of course it wasn't. He could smell the alcohol as he stood closer to the blonde. He snatched the bottle from Roger's hands and brought it to his own lips. Vodka.

It burned slightly, but alcohol had never felt so good. It was probably only the moment that made it better. Everything tasted, felt, sounded better after being told he was loved. _He was loved._ He could barely believe it.

The rain started falling but they couldn't care less. It felt so stupid, like they were in some sort of cliche romantic movie, but it didn't fucking matter.

Quickly, they both became quite tipsy. It was hard not to be when they drank mouthfuls of the alcohol repetitively. It made them jiddy, even more happy than they were before. Roger noticed his boyfriend was no longer following him. He turned around and saw the most beautiful sight. Freddie was standing there, in the middle of the sidewalk, hands in the hair, a pretty smile across his face.

"Come on, baby! You're gonna get a cold!" Roger laughed.

"But I'm so happy!" Freddie shrieked happily, he had never been so happy to be alive, so happy to have fought through all the hard times.

He took his blonde boyfriend in his arms. He wanted him to dance with him, under the rain, after telling each other they were in love. There was no music, but he was feeling so happy he didn't even consider it. He just wanted the drumer close to him, to never let go and have him forever in his arms. He wanted every promises those three words made to never be broken.

He trusted Roger to love him forever.


End file.
